I’m BACK!!!!  Been in a slump the last week or so and aside from projects for clients I just couldn’t write a thing!  Put me way behind in a couple of my classes but this morning I got right to it and turned in a few things getting me back on my way.  It’s the race to the finish line and I was seriously dragging my feet but I’m ready to make this final push now.  I don’t know if its the events of the past several months or senioritis but I was seriously struggling to even attempt any of the assignments I just felt this internal resistance and it was overwhelming but I’ve broken through.  Gonna spend the next few days banging this thing out and will be done with the Masters once and for all.

People I tell about school I think are more excited about it than I am.  I honestly just want to be done with chapter in my life so I can move on.  I don’t care to go to any ceremonies, parties, or banquets and when I get the certificate it will go in a seldom used drawer along with the other certificate.  I’ve never really been one to subscribe to “appropriate” emotions.  I was actually more excited today when I saw a shot of my cousin being filmed for an interview about his catering company than I am about being an advanced degree holder.  Big whoop.  I know I let my mom down with my lack of enthusiasm but I honestly am in no mood to celebrate.

I’m grateful for the many gifts I have in my life- family, friends, health, and stability.  But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t still simmering from the way this process has gone.  People have said to me “get over it, don’t be angry, let it go” and they’re right.  It’s generally unhealthy to hold a grudge if it consumes you.  But the proverbial chip on my shoulder has been the motivation I’ve had to accomplish significant feats in my life.  Being angry at those who saw me as a nerd, nobody, or know it all has propelled me to heights I may not otherwise have reached.

This period in my life has forever changed me but for the better.  I have renewed passion to succeed and triumph over my enemies.  The best revenge is succeeding where those tried to sabotage you and I will.  I’ll save my celebrations for then.  Moving on, so my workout quest continues and this morning I attempted a tough and lofty endeavor known as the 500 workout.  No, it’s not a revised Spartan exercise it consists of 100 reps of five different body weight exercises.

I had been planning this workout for a number of weeks having successfully completed another challenge and after a hearty breakfast set off to the bars.  It was as tough as I imagined and tougher.  I completed the squats with little relative difficulty but I don’t know that I’ve ever attempted 100 pull ups in a single setting much less as part of a larger more complex workout.  Toward the end of the pull ups I began to feel a bit nauseous which made me nervous because its a familiar feeling I’ve had while training that in the past has preceded fainting.

“How could this be happening?”  I thought.  “I did everything right, I ate, hydrated, and warmed up.”  With this reasoning in mind I continued on my workout until I felt worse and decided to sit.  My stomach was NOT happy with me and it was beginning to feel hot.  I knew I had to do something as not to pass out.  I thought about calling for help but quickly reconsidered as that didn’t work out so well last time.  I managed to make it to a bench where I laid down and tried to wait it out.  It was taking FOREVER and got worse before it got better, scary!

I thought about calling an Uber as I was on foot but decided against it.  I wondered if passing out on the bench to recover was a bad idea but luckily I never quite blanked out.  During this agonizing period I consulted Dr. Google to understand why my body was reacting in such a way and Eureka!  I had an answer.  I had always thought heat related ailments were what did me in but today was mild by South Florida standards and I had plenty of cold water.  Turns out the reason for my malfunction was my digestive system.  I always wait an hour before training after a meal but my body is telling me I need longer.

Its quite the revelation as now I know why this has happened and more importantly I can continue on my quest.  I’m sure mom is reading this having been tempted to call and make sure I’m ok and to say how crazy I am for working too hard but this is life.  Life is hard and when it gets tough folding is not what you do, persisting is.  As I lay on that bench all I could think about was finishing the workout and getting that 500 and sure enough once I felt better I walked over to the shop where my bicycle was being serviced, pedaled home and resumed the workout.

OK so I only got 400 of the 500 the workout calls for but you better believe next week I’ll be right back on the horse in pursuit of my 500 goal the way I chased down my million.  While a Monday where you almost pass out and are doubled over in nausea usually wouldn’t quantify as a great day I learned a lot about myself physiologically and spiritually.  When I look at footage like the type in that workout link I get excited and can’t wait to be up on the bars doing it myself.  With every setback I become more and more determined because I know I can do it.  “Never let weakness convince you that you lack strength.”  It’s a quote I saw written on the wall at LA Fitness and for a moment I thought sheesh I’m old and falling apart but now I know I have what it takes.  It’s not about being strong its about working hard and being consistent.  I don’t need talent or a gifted physique I’m obsessed cheers.  IMG_20160411_190914_hdr


I was off today so I took my brother out. I cannot stand to see him zombified on that tablet so as soon as he was awake I told him we were heading out. We left on foot walking to our neighborhood grocer where I bought him some reading material ($7). Then we started off towards the bus stop where we made a mad dash (in vain) for the bus as it casually rolled on. After some small talk and idling in the sun forever we boarded the next bus ($5) on our way to the train station.

We went to buy the ticket ($9). And waited for the train. The train came and I don’t know what it is about kids and moving vehicles but my brother was out in a matter of minutes. So much for the reading material. We then got to our destination where I got turned around a bit but figured it out and we started toward the museum. We get to the museum and bought tickets $28 only to get in without them being checked.

The museum was super cool we learned that Florida is going back into the sea from whence it kame and that it was actually part of continental Africa at some point fun facts. My too cool for school brother was even wowed at some of the exhibits. as we were leaving the museum with me still kicking myself for having paid when I didn’t have to it occurred to me to sell the still redeemable tickets. Yep I was the sketchy scalper guy loitering near the box office trying to unload my merchandise. After a few no’s one of them tried to guilt trip me for denying the museum desperately needed revenue I found a man with his son who happily handed me $16 for the tickets I wanted $20 but whatever.

We start back for home and head into a Walgreens to buy some snacks $5 before heading back to the train. The bus ride back was another $5. All told even with the $16 buyback I spent $45. Kids are EXPENSIVE! Yes I could have just driven and paid parking but where would have been the fun in that? I really take my hat off to ALL the single mothers out there as being a halfway decent parent is expensive, exhausting, and often thankless. I’m currently sitting on the bench watching my brother play in basketball game.

It’s a monumental effort yes, but one that is worth it.  I think the decision to have children is a mostly selfish one.  Propagating the species, preserving the family name, having someone to take care of you when you’re old, or keep you company and of course “oops” being the most common one.  What’s in it for them?  They didn’t ask for any of this?  So we owe it to them to give it our best shot.  I know its easy to say for someone that’s childless but again that’s why I don’t have any because I’m not ready for those sacrifices.  I don’t know that I ever will be.

My brother is very strong willed and can be conniving so he requires constant reinforcement and vigilance.  Every now and again it pays off though.  Before his basketball game he was flying the drone he got for his birthday (spoiled brat) and it disappeared.  I mean literally.  We were watching as it ascended into the sun and we had to shield our eyes and then it was gone.  We searched all over the field and the sidewalks and nothing.  Finally we went out into the street and the remote let out a beep indicating it was near and we found it.

Through it all my brother never panicked or freaked out he patiently looked for and tracked down his drone.  It was a proud moment for me as I know his temper and he never let it get the best of him.  I wish my mom would have been there to see it she would have been impressed it’s the small things right?


I woke up late this morning.  I was scheduled for work and didn’t know.  I saw my coworker’s number show up on the phone and I knew I’d done something wrong.  When she told me I scrambled teeth and hair unbrushed and sped off to the building.  I ended up making it ten minutes late but because the bus she was waiting for didn’t come she was late as well and the business opened up after it was supposed to.

I hate being late.  I hate rushing and hate when I’m not prompt.  I’m one of those people that prides himself on being on time though my actions don’t always reflect it, I do make an effort.  As I was going about my duties I happened upon a jar of coins that a customer left behind.  I was tempted, I won’t lie but decided to phone a few of them to learn the owner.  I wasn’t successful.  I brought the jar into the office and my colleague gave her blessing in me keeping it.

Today is my brother’s birthday.  I was an only child for over twenty years and then one day….  Well he’s ten now, wow!  I can’t believe it.  It’s the coolest thing ever having a little brother and trying my hand at parenting without any of the responsibility.  I still however, feel its important to guide him and teach him some of the lessons that will prepare him to be successful.  He has not any disciplinary issues in school as of late and brought home B’s in all classes except math.

I decided to reward his behavior with a gift of his choice completely separate from his birthday.  He chose sneakers and immediately asked what his price limit was.  I was prepared to buy these sneakers as I have in the past but the more I thought about it the less I liked the outcome of this gesture.  My mom protested and cited him outgrowing them as a reason.  It’s a waste of money and it encourages the consumerism that I’ve come to detest.  Yes I went through this phase as well and I understand where he’s coming from but again my job is to show him something different.

Remember the jar of coins I mentioned earlier?  Well it’s just been regifted (awful I know) as his birthday present with the promise of interest payments every time he fills it.  So I’ve simultaneously recognized his birthday and made it into a teachable lesson that rewards a very important habit.  Surprisingly he looked up long enough from his tablet and headphones to take an interest I think I even heard him say “cool” (there’s still hope yet).”  I’m still gonna sort out the promise I’ve made him and now I’ve bought myself some time so I’ll figure that out.  I was talking to my grandmother this afternoon and she complained of numbness that had started in her foot and was slowly traveling up her leg.


It really affected me to look at a woman so vibrant and full of life slowly but surely degenerating.  I’m tempted to attribute it to diabetes and her weight but death is coming for us all.  I don’t mean to sound so morbid but as youth obsessed as we are in this country aging is a blessing.  I’ve been spoiled to have over thirty years with my grandmother and as painful as it is to watch what’s the alternative?  I hate to see her like that but I’m lucky to see her at all.  It’s funny because it seems like all of a sudden but somehow I’ve transitioned from being the youngest kid in the room to nope not anymore!

The grays that have poked out on my chin and consumed whatever beard I attempt don’t bother me per se but have become license for people to treat me like an old man.  Admittedly an old soul for most of my life it had never become so much of a liability until now.  And I don’t feel old aside from my aching joints brought on by my vigorous training such.  I still feel connected to the culture and how we speak, kick it etc though I don’t sign on to all the new trends I’m not ready to hang up my high tops in favor of loafers and cardigans.

But these social media, tablet, and smart phone obsessed tweens are ready to commit all of us to the nursing home.  It’s crazy!  I’ve had to resort to shaving down my goatee to a shadow, the hint of a beard as not to appear as some decrepit old geezer.  It’s my belief that my appearance had something to do with how I was received by the overzealous mama buzzard in my last post.  I guess the basketball shorts and tee aren’t enough maybe I should put an orange streak in my hair to look like some of my younger counterparts its crazy.  Anyway be grateful for every minute you spend with those around you especially those who are closer to the end of life than the beginning because you never know when that will be.


I was picking up trash today.  I was at work and my brother (from another mother aka the owner) walked in and asked me to clean up.  So I got the pick stick, you know one of those that comes with a grip and clamps down on debris the way those arcade prize claw machines do.  For a moment I felt “damn is this what its come to?” but then I thought heck you know what if I’m gonna pick up trash I’ll be the best damn trasher picker upper you’ve ever seen!

It may sound corny but its really how I feel.  You should take pride in any and everything you do.  If you feel strongly that its beneath you do something else.  But honestly I love my job.  The people I work with rock and the customers do too for the most part.  Sure I’ve gotta pick up after people from time to time but its only looked upon as being negative because society says people who do that are low lifes.  Guess I’m a low life then.

It’s kind of a good segway into today’s story yep you know I’ve got one.  So I mentioned in previous posts that I’ve been making an effort to greet and smile at people as general acknowledgment.  Well I was on my way to the bars to workout when I came across a lemonade stand.  The last time I saw one of these was over six months ago in Portland, Oregon.  The lemonade stand, the epitome of American exceptionalism (ok maybe I’m exaggerating) with these three adorable little girls shouting “one dollar, one dollar!”

I generally don’t bring anything to the bars but water, my bicycle, and my workout gloves so I was caught unprepared with my headphones in my ears and didn’t really know how to react as I rolled on by.  I did my workout and headed back the way I came when I asked how long they’d be out and they responded “awhile.”  So I rode ALL the way home and came ALL the way back to support the stand and couldn’t wait to blog about.  Well I ended up with more material than I imagined.

So I went back with two dollars instead of the one and said “see, I told you I’d be back” and they were really excited.  I pulled out my phone and asked if I could take a picture and they said sure.  Well in comes “mama bear” and this was NOT ok with her.  No pictures!  she says commandingly so I say well is it cool if I take a photo of the table and chairs?  “No! she says “what are you gonna buy them?  I said no I just wanted to take them for a post on my blog silence and then it gets really awkward the poor girls squirming I back away and say if you’re not comfortable I’ll just leave.  “Enjoy the lemonade she says”

I was mortified.  I mean really f’n mad.  WTF?!  I just rode all the way home and back to buy lemonade I didn’t need and I’m the big bad wolf?  I’m not gonna lie it hurt to be scrutinized that way and I was angry.  No good deed goes unpunished right?  I started thinking about why I bother to try and the usual thoughts that come into mind but then I thought hey I don’t have any daughters.  Maybe I looked like a creepy weirdo trying to prey on little girls.  I know I’m not but it doesn’t matter what it is its what it looks like.

More often than not I’ll be looked upon with suspicion and guilty until proven innocent.  But her not even letting me take a picture of the setup proves she was just an ignorant bitch.  I won’t let that kind of person get to me.  Gotta make lemonade right?  We’re on to Cincinnati.  Happy St. Pattys day guys.

spring break

Howdy folks so we’ve lost an hour.  I really dislike Daylight Savings.  It just throws everything off I don’t know if its really worth it but whatever.  So I saw my father last night, first time in months.  He was promoting a party for what he hopes will become a monthly production so I went to support him.  I didn’t really wanna go I was tired and it’s not really my scene but I showed up and saw some old and new faces.

I’m not so close with that side of the family these days due mostly to me.  I’ve become a bit reclusive as of late and prefer just to keep to myself.  I knew I would feel out of place so I convinced a friend of mine to join me and I’m glad because it just wasn’t my night.  I’m Haitian American but probably more American than Haitian I don’t connect with the music or the culture very much.  I’m not ashamed it’s just not my thing.  Once he left I spent most of the night on my phone thinking about how to make an exit.

Once I did I spotted my father’s sister in law (not sure what that makes her to me) and her kids.  I grew up around them but don’t regularly see them.  It was out of the corner of my eye that I saw them initially as I was engaged in conversation with someone else.  After I wrapped up that conversation I went to say goodnight to my stepmother who was as cold as ice.  She was welcoming when I came so the only thing I can think of was she thought I snubbed her sister.

Of course once I saw her sister and the crew we embraced and chit chatted for the first time in quite a while but she didn’t see that.  I don’t know if she’s mad and I don’t care.  People are going to think what they think regardless of what you do so its best to do as you please.

I had the house professionally cleaned and what a relief.  I’m going to work hard to maintain what she’s done as there’s an instant respect one has for cleanliness.  It’s like driving a new car.  You park far away from everyone, spend the first few months getting it washed but slowly as time goes by you neglect to squeegee the bird poop off the windshield and the dings, scratches add up soon the only time it gets wet is when it rains (which does nothing to clean the paint folks).

This morning I made my bed and have been tidying things up as I go along in the war against procrastination.  Today I’m going to read and have been toying with the idea of going out but I think I need to go vote and do some grocery shopping.  Speaking of the election, so I came to the conclusion that I’m voting for Bernie Sanders.  My argument up until last night was well I guess I’ll vote for Hillary because even though I like Bernie, he can’t win.

That was the argument people made against Barack Obama and we all know how that turned out.  I don’t know if Bernie will be able to win but he’s the candidate I’m supporting because you should support ideas you believe in as far fetched as they may be.  I’m a dreamer and as “unrealistic” as my goals are I’ll never give them up for otherwise why even bother?

pain and gain

Hey guys, haven’t posted because things have been a bit hectic but productive.  I’ve barely watched any TV and have been reading!  Yes very happy to be reading again and developing that habit so it doesn’t feel like a chore.  This back issue though has been a bit more complicated.  As we speak my neck feels like its in a brace and there’s a stiffness that runs down in between my shoulders.  No fun.

It’s frustrating.  I’ve got a fighters spirit but when your body doesn’t cooperate it makes things difficult.  Gonna try and hang in there until Friday because I work tomorrow but I really wish I was back at 100% so I could get back to training.  I miss the bars and can’t wait to start hitting them again.  I can’t wait to go back to the gym too.  I’m undeterred and though things have been challenging I’ll persevere.  This is the stuff champions are made of and I’ll prevail.  Have a happy healthy Wednesday everyone.

March 6, 2016

I just realized the last post didn’t have a title.  Ooops, I’m gonna leave it that way though just because.  Feels great to be back!  I know it hasn’t been that long since I last published but I’m making a double entendre here since this is the best I’ve felt since that fateful day on the ground in front of the clinic.  Of course I would tempt fate by taking a moving job as part of my new side hustle but hey I need the money.  My loans are accruing at the rate of $9 a day.

Boo hoo for me right?  Just another hurdle I’ll have to overcome, material for my biography someday.  This client I had last night was an old lady who’d been swindled by an opportunist and had her bank account emptied.  She was evicted and had to move her things into storage.  I was lending her a hand as she changed units.  She’s an older woman as I said managing on her own in addition to caring for her autistic son.

I’ve got my trials granted but at least I’ve still got youth on my side and an able body despite the spine injury I’m coming off of.  I looked like a decrepit old man yesterday gingerly setting down boxes and guarding my back but we got it done and I made $100.  Literally sweating for your money really gives you an appreciation for it and humbles me when I think of the things people resort to in order to make a living.  Had I been in a position to I would have cut her a break in the price but we all are living the struggle, well most of us anyway.

There is some progress however being made on another front.  I’ve been without cable for a few weeks now and its done wonders for my time management.  Though the allure of the Playstation has replaced the remote somehow the draw isn’t that strong and I’ve been more productive than I’ve been in many months.  I’m completing assignments, reading, I actually spent some time in my backyard today enjoying a rare low humidity South Florida day.

Typically conditions here keep you inside.  If its not the stifling heat its the mosquitoes.  While there isn’t much you can do about the heat today I broke out some citronella candles that hadn’t been used in years and let me tell you they work!  The pesky creatures vanished as quickly as they descended when I set up the fort it was great!  I started reading The Casual Vacancy by JK Rowling whom for those who don’t recognize is the mind behind Harry Potter.  This is my latest in multiple attempts to read this book.


It starts off slow but I am committed to making it to the other cover and finally it’s picked up and turning out to be as awesome as her famed series.  I’ll give it a proper review once I’m done.  I want to read more so I am making concerted efforts at reestablishing this habit.  It has become SO easy to become distracted if not by my own thoughts by alerts on a phone or links on the web.  I have never used a tablet or e-reader to get through a novel but something tells me it will likely have similar distractions.

Sure, there are advantages I’d imagine you can merely highlight an unfamiliar term and have a definition pop up and the idea of waiting seconds for new material instead of days or a trip to the library cannot be overstated but unplugging really refers more to yourself than the gadgets.  Every waking moment now seems to be spent reaching for some screen and I find it troubling.  YES this is glaring hypocrisy coming from a guy who publishes an online blog but I’d like to think I’m providing a service and disseminating it in the most practical and efficient way.

I’m proud to say I finally figured out how to monitor sight traffic and pleased to report TEN page views.  Yes ten which means it’s not just my mama reading woo hoo!  I’m flattered by anyone who visits my site so thanks very much to all.  Goodnight.


So I came across this article last night.  Apparently there’s a service that will break up with your significant other for you.  Though maybe they aren’t that significant if you can’t even send your own text message.  Readers born in the 80’s and earlier will scoff at the idea of a breakup service.  Those born more recently will breathe a sigh of relief.

See for folks my age and older we remember a time where online dating had the creep element to it.  Everyone had a story about some awkward encounter with someone who kinda looked like their pictures or who wouldn’t stop calling after they met.  But now dating apps are ubiquitous with hooking up in fact dating is outdated its just hooking up, hanging out, or Netflix and chill.

Some light bulbs went on for me as I was reading this article.  I remember a time when articles came on huge flimsy sheets of paper that bled ink all over your clothes and made better litter liners than reading material.  There’s an entire generation of people for which digital life is all they’ve ever known.  Communicating virtually wasn’t an alternative it was default.  Things like eye contact and tone of voice make them very nervous.

It made my cousin’s reaction to my attempts at contact make more sense to me.  Every generation seems to have an issue with the subsequent generation.  “Oh they’re a bunch of lazy, entitled, degenerates” sound familiar?  Being the youngest person in the room was something I was used to and overnight it changed.  I’ve even been the victim of ageism.  With my premature grays if I let my facial hair grow I can add years to my appearance which doesn’t necessarily bother me but it affects the way I’m treated and how people interpret my behavior.

I realize now to these folks born in the 90’s that I’m old and that’s OK but I’m not going to act according to their perception I’m gonna behave according to how I feel which aside from a sore back is great.  I had a moment where I was watching a TV show and saw a text message acronym that I had to Google for meaning.  FOMO is fear of missing out but I didn’t learn it from one of my peers I had to research it which means yep I’m out of the loop.  It was reinforced by the name of my brother’s favorite rapper who I’ve yet to Google because I really don’t care but you get the point.

Back to the dating thing for a second.  I would never enlist an app to do my dirty work for me.  If I didn’t care to see someone I was dating I would let them know.  I don’t know that I would do it via text unless they were one of those people who preferred virtual communication.  I find the concept of this service tasteless but that’s just me, its kinda lame but better than not receiving any word at all which I find to be cruel.

So called Millenials have really mainstreamed the AWOL phenomena which is when you simply become unavailable to someone you used to communicate with.  I have been on the receiving end of this behavior which has been termed “ghosting” apparently and it SUCKS.  That being said I’ve also dismissed people in this manner but I reserve it for those who have done something particularly egregious as in my mind no message sends a message of its own.  But for this special group its done as casually as a dog taking a whiz on the grass.

The same way they’d send a friend request rather than approach someone at a party is the same way they’d rather block someone than confront them.  Like it or not in a youth obsessed society the kids are the ones that drive trends, topics, and habits.  Some of it is cringe worthy and some of it is funny but you have to be ready to embrace the new or get left behind.  Maybe embrace isn’t the right word but acceptance is.  Jayden Smith (Will Smith’s son) has just been given an endorsement contract for women’s clothing.

Will you find me trying on blouses along with my blazers?  No.  But I’m not gonna condemn anyone for doing what works for them.  There’s stuff the young’ns are doing that I think is cool.  The meme mayhem is always entertaining and I don’t have a snapchat but I’ve seen some really funny material.  I don’t send greeting cards or even holiday messages anymore and I’m sure that’s interpreted as rude by some but hey we change with the times right?

march madness (continued)

I watched the results for Super Tuesday come in yesterday as I usually do and watched a sparring match between two pundits unfold.  Our favorite candidate Donald Trump made headlines again recently when he failed to repudiate former Ku Klux Klan grand-master David Duke.  Van Jones a CNN correspondent asserted that Trump’s disavowal of white supremacists was weak at best when compared to his condemnation of terrorists.

Donald Trump on many occasions has lambasted ISIS and threatened them with everything from explosives to a blanket ban on Muslims.  Lacking in his rhetoric according to Jones was the strong passion against domestic hate groups.  Jeffrey Lord, a Trump surrogate tried to steer the conversation away from race and accused Jones and democrats of playing divisive politics.  Visibly frustrated Jones invokes his seven year old son and how he’s now had to protect him from the hate mongering and vitriol of Donald Trump.

As I watched this exchange I thought to myself how great this was for ratings but what little effect it would have on race relations.  I’ve felt for a long time that people’s hearts and minds cannot change with legislation.  I watched a program once where a black man remarked that racism is a religion, its a belief system.  Should Donald Trump be as forceful in lambasting white supremacy as he is in other terrorists?  But that would presuppose him actually caring.

You either have compassion and empathy for people, or you don’t.  It’s very simple.  “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” got more press than the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina itself.  Why?  Because it was evident.  Bloated bodies laying adrift in the flood and images of families stuck on roofs saw media refer to these residents as “refugees.”  Barbara Bush famously said of the evacuees who were being sheltered at an arena in Houston that they were “better off” than they were in their own homes.

I’m generally not surprised about the aloofness who don’t look like me.  I’m very well aware of how people view me and people of my complexion.  Still there are some instances where even I can be taken aback.  I was working out today in the gym as I often do.  I kind of pinched my back Monday during stretching but I took yesterday off and didn’t even think twice about it until I felt that familiar spasm and sense of dread take over me as I (dutifully) went to re-rack my weights.  I’ve had a lumbar issue on and off for years now and somehow it always flares up during the most mundane of activities.

Never mind the grueling sprints or twenty mile bicycle rides or even snowboarding nope, I hurt it just cleaning up after my mess.  This time felt different, I doubled over in pain and couldn’t move.  The guys in my immediate area were oblivious and I didn’t ask for help.  I managed to make my way to the front desk where I asked to be transported to the clinic.  Dumbfounded one of the young ladies reached for the phone as I doubled over in pain and lay on the floor where I remained for more than an hour as people indifferently milled by some stepping over me as they continued about their day.

I lay there breathing deep trying to settle myself and be patient since help was on the way but I grew frustrated unable to move or alleviate my pain.  I finally gave in and called 911 who dispatched the first responders.  Naturally at that point the transporter arrives and finally someone made an effort to help me to my feet.  I managed to hobble out to the cart and on to the clinic.  Now just as a point of clarification, the first time my back went out happened to be at this gym and one of the best medical professionals I’ve ever seen treated me and I was on my way.

That would not be the case today.  I got out of the cart and managed to make my way up the rail where I awaited the cavalry but to no avail.  Some nurse (not the one who was so helpful to me) stood at the door shouting and asking if I was alright.  This was more than I could bear.  I collapsed in pain and anguished incensed that the place where I thought I could seek relief didn’t even have a willing staff member.

I lay on the ground in the sun hyperventilating and incredulous that on a college campus there was nobody willing to even see if I was OK.  By this point the fire rescue arrives and starts their query.  Once they understood the nature of my injury they tell me to calm down and that my state was only going to make things worse.  Mind you at this point I’m still face down on the ground chest heaving and furious.  It becomes clear to me that no efforts will be made to respond to my emergency and one of the fire fighters was “nice” enough to help me to my feet.

Thankfully I was well enough to stand at that point.  I don’t know if it was March madness or Murphy’s law that caused me to leave my cell phone home to charge but I had no way to reach anyone for help.  My cousin didn’t answer his phone when the fire fighter tried to reach him so I simply limped back to my bicycle and rode home.  I don’t share this story for sympathy points, I don’t have a readership that would justify that.  But the point of this story is that when people don’t care, they don’t care.

Whether or not this story went the way it did because of how I look is irrelevant.  I don’t want anyone’s sympathy, pity, or understanding.  I probably wouldn’t get it anyway.  But people like Van Jones and others need to stop kidding themselves.  Michael Jackson said it a long time ago they don’t really care and never will.  If the way this month has started is any indication of where it’s going it’s gonna be a long 31 days but you know what?  I survived, I made it.  With a busted back and a couple aspirin I managed to get home alive.

I actually feel more determined than ever.  I don’t know if I would call it optimism as much as a chip on my shoulder.  I am facing adversity and withstanding it.  So long as my heart is pumping red fluid I’ll keep going.  I’m gonna listen to my body and give the training a rest for a few days but believe I’ll be right back in the gym pushing it to the limit next week.  Nothing succeeds like success and the best revenge is your paper.



March madness

OK so I never made it to Jacksonville. No, I’m not posting from the side of the road while awaiting a tow truck.  I didn’t total my car or anyone else’s. Nope. About a half hour into my trip I got a call canceling telling me to stay put.

Now I know I recently said I don’t use communication devices when I’m emotional but I don’t know that I would describe my state that way. Perhaps irked would be the best way and sheepish. When I got the news that I’d be headed up I was elated. It was a bit surreal that everything would change so quickly but I was ready. I’ve been ready for a while.

To get the reversal sucks but whatever. I think the hardest part was calling everyone I had just said goodbye to and telling them never mind. It makes me feel like a fraud, like I was counting my chickens before they hatched.

Being that most if not all of the people I associate with are gain fully employed I feel like the odd man out sometimes and having to walk back comments less than 24 hours after I made them feels like a newspaper printing a retraction. I’ve gotta imagine this is similar to how someone feels having been left at the altar or having a wedding called off.  The reason matters less than the fact that it’s happening.

People have been showing a lot of support and sympathy but really I just want to move on. I appreciate all of their efforts and would do the same in their shoes but I kind of just want to forget about all of this.

I’m going to continue on with the routine I’ve been building up and proceed as planned. I think the clip posted below best surmises my feelings on the subject.

Maybe it’s cincinnati I’m supposed to be going and not Jacksonville